Owen

i suppose i never really understood the concept of emotions except for those i was familiar with, AKA fear and suffering, you know i was seven when my dad died and i didn't cry until when everyone was stufing their faces at the after gathering and i was in my room. I understood the concept of death, i still do, but i refused to show weakness even when everyone else did, haha imagine that a seven year old who doesn't cry at seeing her fathers corpse...not a thought that comes to mind really. After that i went through life normally never thinking about it, i was minus one family member, who really cares? i had a step dad since i was two so i didnt understand the concept of a single parent, just the idea of more family. i think it was about a year after my fathers death that his family abandoned me, i guess they didnt want a bastard grandchild and niece when their son and brother was gone, and i can live with that, really, i can understand the idea of having something when it reminds you of what you have lost. even if its about that, i wouldn't know. i think it took me untill i was ten to realize that i wasn't wanted anymore by those i loved most, and i think it was about then that the emotion no longer existed for me as as well. i began to resent those who left me and every year on my birthday, christmas, and the anniversary of my fathers death i would cry for what was out of my grasp. at about 14 i started to receive mail and i was so overwhelmed about it i tried contacting my grand parents, no reply, and then i found out that im only getting these letters because my mum contacted one of my aunts and told them to do it. i have to keep myself from burning the cards every year, i dont care anymore but why should i keep something that isn't sincere?

i may not have cried for my father but that doesn't mean that he didnt mean anything to me because he did, he was everything...i may not care about my current situation but that doesn't mean to say that it isn't hard. I have grown up and come to terms with that small part of my past. now i cry for what i have lost.

AN-Please note that none of this should be taken into accout seriously. i needed a moment to blerb and this is where i found myself.-

TTFN*mock salute*
LBL